Bitching, backstabbing and bullshit

Ice skating is

• predominantly female
• competitive
• full of short dresses and skin tight training clothes
• expensive
• done unsociable hours
• full of opportunities to show off
• an individual sport
• a lot of unwritten rules

This can lead to a pretty nasty atmosphere at times (as well as tons of fun at others!). When I first started skating, I expected the kids to be cliquey, spoiled little princesses. But for the most part, they're not. There are a few kids that I think are absolutely awesome people, and I can't wait to see how they turn out.

I've said before that I love skatemums, and I do! But sometimes you see them in a little cluster talking in hushed voices, glancing around for potential eavesdroppers, and wonder what (or who) they're bitching about. Of course, it could be nothing. Maybe it is nothing and they just want you to think it's something.

I don't know everything that goes on in the coach's room. But I know enough to know that a LOT does! Probably worse than anything that goes on on the ice or in the stands.

My advice is as follows

• Smile til your face hurts. Then smile through the pain. They'll probably call you fake, but at least they can't say anything worse
• Keep your thoughts to yourself
• Kiss the ass of the people who matter
• Wait for your skater in the car
• Take up another sport. Like tiddlywinks.

Okay, so not entirely serious advice. But I guess I'm trying to say don't join in the bitching. Don't talk about anyone else, and if you must, don't say anything you wouldn't want them to know you've said. Because they will find out. Be nice to everyone. If you can't be nice, be civil. If you can't be civil, then just shut up. Know who's ass you're supposed to be kissing, even if you chose not to pucker up (it helps to know, cause when they're mad at you for not kissing ass, you'll know why).

But hey, I don't follow my own advice all the time, we're only human. But keep your eyes and ears open and don't open your mouth unless you know who's listening and who's ass they're kissing. I've had an argument with another adult skater over comments I've made to her and about her. I've had rumours spread about me because I don't kiss the right ass. I've opened my mouth and inserted my foot. But I'm basically a nice person, I don't thrive on the drama and the bitching, I would much rather we were all happy and having group hugs all the time! If you would prefer the drama, please stay away from me, thank you very much.

Every skater is special, but some are more special than others

We all want to feel special. For our ability/effort/talent to be recognised and rewarded. But if everyone is special, then being special doesn't feel so special anymore. You have to have an in-group and an out-group.

You make skaters feel special by including them in special lessons, inviting them to take part in competitions, inviting them to parties, taking them on trips, giving them special rules like no hoodies. The important point to remember is that you have to make sure you exclude enough people that being in the in-group makes skaters feel special, but big enough to withstand natural wastage (skaters quitting the sport), sabotage (skaters going to other coaches outside of the in-group coaches), or group members not having the time and/or money to participate in all group events.

The in-group is only a bad thing if it hurts people. So, if kids who aren't in the group are made to feel bad deliberately, or if the power trip stops the skaters looking where they're going on ice (filled with a confidence that they're invincible and/or they have more right to be there than anyone else, so everyone had better move or else) and someone gets injured,blatant bullying (of skaters, parents or coaches), turning previously pleasant children into brats, or creating a bad atmosphere between skaters and or parents.

There will be beginners on public sessions, deal with it!

Reccently I've heard some comments from figure skaters to the effect that if someone gets in their way on a public session, they'll intimidate that person by doing a camel spin or jump or something practically on top of the offender to "scare them off".  The same skaters will then complain about so-called hockey skaters (not actual hockey players) dashing about.  All this is on a public session.

Public session. Means open to everyone.  If you want to practice with a stick and puck, there are plenty of hockey training times.  Equally, if you want to seriously practice free skating or ice dance, there is plenty of patch ice.  By all means skate on public sessions, but don't expect to be able to train seriously!

I have been on quiet public sessions with some of my friends doing double jumps, flying spins, fast field moves etc. As more people came on, they stopped jumping and were more careful with spins and stuff.  When it got busier, we left to go have food.  On a busy Saturday morning you're lucky if you can even practice crossovers or one foot glides, and trying anything backwards is suicide.

These people "getting in your way" probably don't mean to.  On patch, people can tell when you're setting up a jump or spin, or if you're doing a compulsory dance or field moves.  On public, they're too busy trying not to fall down to pay attention to you.  And those teenagers zooming around and chasing each other have just as much right to be there as you.  So do the little kids who can't skate three steps without falling on their bottoms.

Nobody has a right to do anything to threaten or endanger anyone else.  Whether it's crashing into people deliberately, or doing a camel spin right next to someone, it's stupid and childish and worst of all, dangerous and I lose all respect for anyone doing it.  In fact, I lose more respect for serious skaters than kids just messing around.  If you skate enough to be able to do a camel spin or jumps or whatever, you skate enough to know better. 

The people who I've heard making these comments are adult skaters.  The child skaters I know are sensible to use public sessions to play with their friends and patch ice to actually train.  Grow up, before someone gets seriously hurt!

Switching coaches

I am NOT switching coaches. Promise.

But at my rink a whole lot of people are having to at the moment because one of the full time coaches is leaving. Another coach also just left, although she had fewer skaters than the first one.

Personally, I've only changed coaches once. And it wasn't by choice, it was after my first coach left the rink suddenly. But I've seen it happen, and have thoughts.

Be open.
Ok, sometimes it's not possible. Sometimes you want to have a new coach lined up before you let the old one go. But don't start lessons or take trips with new coach before telling old coach, especially if you want to continue taking lessons with them or at least stay on good terms. New coach shouldn't let you do this, if they do you may want to question their ethics.

Don't gossip.
People are gonna know you've changed coaches (or dropped a coach or started lessons with a new coach) and will probably ask about it. Only ever say nice things. If you have nothing nice to say about Old Coach, focus on the positives of New Coach, not the negatives of Old Coach.

Make it easy for the skater.
You might hate old coach with a fiery passion. But your skater might love them and have respect for them, so don't bitch about old coach in the hearing of the child (or just don't bitch at all). Make sure they like and respect new coach and that they're comfortable with the change. In a situation like mine, where one coach is leaving, the skater is probably sad about leaving their old coach, but they should still be excited and open to lessons with new coach.

Don't sink to their level.
Some coaches are bitches. Just like some teachers/nurses/office workers/firemen/police people etc are bitches. If old coach takes things out you or you kid, all you can do is ignore it and focus on the skating. Keep your head up, grit your teeth and wear earplugs. Like any bully, if they see it upsets you it'll get worse, if you ignore it they'll eventually get bored.

Final note.
My favourite comment from a coach switching parent was that she didn't care if new coach was really a better coach (although she thought that new coach was better), she would rather her child grew up to be like new coach than grew up to be like old coach. Your kid probably isn't going to the Olympics. But any coach is gonna be a huge influence on a child's life. Pick one you wouldn't mind your kid turning into.

Off Ice

My coach runs an off ice class for some of her skaters, in a dance studio away from the rink.  There's a core group of five of us, and I'm by far the oldest, fattest and worst skater! But the kids are lovely, and hilarious! We generally work on fitness, flexibility, core strength, jumps and presentation. Some weeks we focus on one element more than the others, like this week it was jumps, last week a ballerina came in and we did mainly presentation. But we usually do at least a bit of everything.

Fitness
We start every week by some running round, and since the first week I no longer feel like I'm going to die at the end of it! Skating and off ice are my only real exercise, so another hour a week of exercise is always going to be a good thing!

Flexibility
We do some general stretches and spiral stretches. Coach helps us to do progressive stretches to make them more effective. Some of the kids are ridiculously flexible, but not even them are as bendy as the ballerina, who could calmly sit in side splits and lean her stomach on the floor!

Core Strength
Sit ups and push ups have become a feature at the beginning. One of the kids finds these absolutely hysterical,  and when Coach made her do them on the ice, she was giggling away! Another one where we lay on our backs or our stomachs and raise our legs and shoulders off the ground slightly. It's really hard on your back, easier on your stomach. And this week I beat the kids, we had to hold it for thirty seconds and I was the only one who did it! Coach made the kids do it again, mwahahaha! The kids also do cartwheels, handstands and headstands sometimes, but I give these a miss. As an extremely overweight adult, I don't think throwing my whole weight onto my hands is a good thing, and may well end in a broken wrist or two!

Jumps
One of the kids is working on her axel. She can land it off ice when she puts the effort in, but hasn't done it on the ice yet. I think knowing she can do it off ice is a confidence booster, or it would be for me anyway! Some of the others have attempted double axels off the ice, while still only working on low doubles on the ice. It's a good chance to work on height, landing positions, rotation, not wrapping your legs in the air, and committing to the jump, without actually doing it. You can still fall off ice, but it doesn't seem as scary some how. Maybe cause you don't have that pesky, slippery ice! Sometimes off ice jumps are harder because you don't have the momentum or speed of the ice to help you. Also, make sure you wear deccent shoes! I hurt my ankle one week doing too many jumps in rubbish shoes (nothing major, and it was fine after a week, but why risk it?)

Presentation
I mentioned the ballerina who came in, she helped us with some graceful arm movements (well they were graceful when she did them anyway, not sure I quite pulled it off!). Coach also had us work on our programs off ice so we could focus on presenting them nicely, without having to worry too much about the actual elements.

The hidden costs of skating

I carefully considered the cost of my new skates and blades.  What I didn't consider was the amount I'd then spend on trying to stop them mutilating my feet! 

• Felt padding - stuck it to the skates on the top and the edges of the tongue, not terribly effective
• Blister plasters - stuck to my skin where the boots rub at the tops, during a 30 minute lesson they got rubbed right off, useless
• Foam circle things like corn pads but for your ankles - not that easy to keep in position as they don't stick to anything.
• Bandage - not actually for the rubbing but for support after I hurt my foot doing too many off ice jumps, well it was an extra layer between boot and skin!
• Voltarol painease gel - I use this regularly on my feet (not suitable for broken skin or blisters), to help with aching feet, it does help to numb the pain.

On the same theme, a trip to the rink doesn't just cost the patch money (£4), club (£5), or lesson (£16 plus patch). It's the bus fare, a drink (although I'm usually good and take squash from home), second breakfast when I get to work because I can't last from 5am til lunchtime, snacks, etc.

A competition isn't just the dress and the entry fees, it's the extra lessons, tights, food and drink on the day, a ridiculously overpriced but essential competition hoody, makeup, hairspray, flowers and toys to throw on for your friends, photos, laces with diamonte on them (I resisted these without too much difficulty, mainly cause I couldn't bear the thought of unlacing and relacing my skates, also i think they're pretty tacky), new soakers, new leggings etc.

I think this is why I find it so hard to budget. I budget for the direct costs, but forget the rest!

The minefield of new skates

My feet hurt, my ankles hurt, my bank balance really hurts. I just got new skates and new blades. Jackson Premier and Coronation Ace Parabolic.

I did my research, I chose skates and blades that were appropriate for my level. I didn't really need the parabolic version, but the store didn't have the regular ones in stock, so offered me the parabolic version at no extra charge. They assured me the difference was minimal and wouldn't affect sharpening or skating.

I got my boots and blades from different stores, because the rink shop at my home rink only stocks Jackson boots and Jackson Ultima blades. I didn't want the Ultima blades, so I got them from a different rink shop on the t'interweb. Both shops were very helpful, although the local one seemed personally offended by my choice of blades, but he still mounted them for me.

I anticipated the pain of breaking in new skates. I haven't fallen in them yet (which is surprising!) but fully expect to trip a lot when I start really pushing myself in them, cause I'm still taking it easy at the moment. I laughed at the questions non-skaters asked "what colour are you getting" and "so you use the toepicks to stop, right?".

What I didn't expect was having to justify my choice of boots and blades to other skaters. At my rink everyone has Jackson boots and Ultima blades. Well, like 95% of people anyway. There are a million kids with Jackson Freestyle, then a big group of Jackson Competitor and a smaller group with Jackson Premier. Nobody that I know of has Jackson Elite or anything higher, although in my opinion some of the ones with Premiers probably should've gone for Elite.

For an overweight adult skater struggling with loop to get the same skates as the kids landing doubles seems to strike some as weird. Never mind that I weigh at least twice as much as these kids, who may well need to be in higher level skates ideally anyway, or that increasing numbers of teenagers who haven't got their axel also have Premiers. Or that according to most online sources, they're aimed at my level. I must think I'm an amazing skater for getting these skates. And I'm not, clearly, so I must be full of myself.

As for blades.. the fashionable blades at my rink are Ultima Lite. All the cool kids have them. And apparently I should want them. I don't, and never have, partly because they're the "in" thing. Coronation Aces are the most popular freestyle blade in the world, but I should want the Lites because they have cool holes in them.

It isn't a fluke that opinions are so biased towards Jackson and Ultima at my rink. I'm not disputing them as an excellent make, and as I said, I bought Jackson skates! But the trend is very much led by one or two of the influential coaches. One of my friends has skated for twenty years and has had boots of half a dozen different makes. I've had Risport Antea, Edea Overture and now Jacksons. I would be shocked if some of the kids at the rink had even tried on anything except Jackson. And however good Jackson are, they're not right for eveyrone, and this prejudice towards them is bad for skaters who might find Reidells or Risport or Edea or Graf or Wifa or SP Terri or some other make I can't think of, to be a better fit.